A Certain Phase of Life...

I have always heard of The Empty Nest.  I didn't believe there was such a thing...until I experienced it.  Now I know it is truly a season of life.  It kind of snuck up on my husband and me.  I was amazed that I would follow the trend of typical society!  I thought with me being knowledgeable about phases of life, depression, change, blah, blah, and blah I would be able to skip any discomfort of this time.  That was/is not the case. 
My generation was the first of the helicopter parents.  My entire existence was about what my kids wanted or needed next.  I set aside my career to be available for every whim any educator or coach might express.  All I wanted was for my boys to have it all.  I enjoyed this kind of life.  I did not feel chaffed then nor do I regret any of that time now, but let me tell you, it is an adjustment.  The best part of all this was that through this time I did not neglect my marriage. 
Each day I sit with people that are in this stage of life.  Some of them have a dazed look of dismay.  They ask me, "Really? Now what do I do?"  Even a worse response is after the children are in college or out on their own, they say,  "Now, I want a divorce."  It is as though they wake up in the middle of life! I had about four individuals come in to see me in one week that were in various points of this stage, so I decided to write some tips for all of you out there that may be planning what to do with the kid's rooms.
First of all, Don't panic.  Do not react to the loneliness that will creep into your mind.  Please realize that you are in the process of grieving.  So find you a good place and cry your eyes out! Then blow your nose and wipe your face.  Look around and take stock of yourself.
Begin to think about what you might want to do.  I started a counseling practice and had a knee replacement.  One by choice and the other so I could walk.  Seriously, have you put off some physical issues because you knew you had to be the caregiver to your dependents?  Maybe what you want to do does not involve anesthesia and pain.  You may want to try something that  you would never have had time or energy to do before.
My main point is that you are a necessary person.  You can continue to contribute to life.  You can breathe and be someone other than a parent.  You know I am truly enjoying this time.  There are days when I get to drink the last Coke without guilt or put on my pjs at 6:30 without worry that some 20 something will walk in and crack a joke about being a Grandma.  I am learning to slow down some things and speed up some others.  The  point is that, it is my decision.  Do I miss my boys?  Sure I do.  That is when I call and say "Mind if I visit?" I will always have the times and adventures of parenting memories.  Now I can have the energy to make my own adventures.